Life Back to Normal

A question by a friend led me to reflect on my life for the last two weeks...

What happened? Yesterday, me & IEC friends went to an ice cream restaurant to celebrate friends' birthday (there were 30 of us...created furors! Hehe..). I sit next to Evelyn, and not long after we sit down, Evelyn popped up a question, "Ta, what happened? You are not as 'on fire' as you used to be (she means my ministry at church). There's a decline. Is there any reason why?". Then we had a discussion about it. Mainly I admitted it, then I explained the reason *or rather excuses?*

First reason, my work in the last two weeks has been very tiring. My colleague (the only partner who teach Bahasa Indonesia class) was hospitalized & took MC for almost two weeks, so I became the only one who taught BI class. Everyday I taught two classes. Whole day. Everyday. I broke a record, 19 classes in a row. Thank GOD I did not fall sick *malah sang admin gua yg MC 2 hari :p* And when it came to the time where I was not working, I just wanna refresh my mind and forget about ministry. Sit in front of computer checking Facebook, chatting online with friends, reading books, attending fellowships-Prayer Meeting-lectures, watching movies, hanging out with friends. As a result, I 'sacrificed' my ministry. It's a bad thing... I felt guilty, but I was really helpless at that time.
Second reason, my division coordinator is travelling to Europe, cannot be contacted :p

That's what I told her yesterday.

But today, I reflected more about it.
I remember that in between my conversation with Evelyn, she mentioned that she even once came to think that I was like that because Ci Wen I (our previous pastor) left IEC Sg to minister in Indo. She knew that I was so close with Ci Wen I.
Honestly, I was struck for a while on her statement, but I didn't say anything and we then just continue our conversation.
Only this morning that I reflected about it again and I realised that I have (unconsciously) missed Ci Wen I. Why would I say that? Because when I remember again what Evelyn said about Ci Wen I, I must struggle to hold back my tears *I'm in a bus, cannot cry la...* and I admitted in my heart to GOD that I missed her...
- I missed her presence that brought laughter with the funny things she would do (make funny expressions or movements. Haha)
- I missed her Sundanese accent :)
- I miss her singing... badly :)
- I missed serving the LORD with her. I remember one time when we had to choose the cantata for Easter (I was still jobless at that time). Both of us stayed at our own place, in front of our computer. We would exchange calls and smses *coz she never chat online! >.<* We would go to websites. She would ask me to check some of the title she chose, and vice versa. We would exchange ideas & opinions, till the end we decided on "Who is This King". That was so much fun. And I remember the process of preparing Indonesia Day , how she encouraged me when I felt doubt to take the responsibility as coordinator as I was just started my job (adjustment period, I reasoned).
And so many other things that I could not put here :)
- I miss her that always be her. Never put up mask. A person that would cry out of her compassion (seen it many times when she shared her experience). The person that would speak it out when she thinks something is not right. The person that is not ashamed to show her weaknesses. That fact made me relieve, realising that every human has weaknesses (even the so called leader & full time servant of GOD), and we need others' strength to complement and support each other. She and I have similarities, but on the other side she had the strength that I would be weak at, and I got the strength that she would be weak at.
- I miss the "burden-and-concern-sharing-session" on ministry at IEC that we had. I needed someone to share and so did she. She would take what I said seriously... and I would consider her advise seriously...

Must admit that I'm currently still in the 'adapting mode' after she left IEC. It takes time, Ta. It takes time... *That's what you always teach your students, rite? :p*
I had both 'professional' and 'personal' touch with her. After she left, I could easily found the 'professional touch' from others, but I guess I still haven't found the 'personal touch'. *hope you understand what I mean :p*
Well... life MUST still go on even without her presence here, rite? True ministry does not depend on someone. It depends on GOD.
OK, Ta. Move on!

Anyway, I sent her a message asking how she is now. She said she is busy. Just finished one Cantata and now preparing for a tour in 4 cities in Indo. Other than that, still have other projects. There will be choir festival in September. This June there will also be "Peduli Bandung".
Oh wow... so many things to do. I was encouraged to do what I'm supposed to do here, knowing that she's doing what she's supposed to do there.

OK, now is thanksgiving time!
LORD, I was grateful that life has gone back to normal. My colleague came back to work. My division coordinator has come back from Europe. Thank YOU for sending me Evelyn and creating opportunity for us to discuss about it. I had come to one root of the problem that I never realized before... and solved it!
So... I guess now is the time for me to 'get up' again :)

Last word... for Evelyn. Thank you for speaking up. I really appreciate it. What you've said & done has (indirectly) encouraged me. I'll try my best to 'get up' ASAP :p By the way, glad to see you very "on-fire" recently. To see you in current condition is one thing that Ci Wen I and I would be grateful about, because both of us believed that you had huge potential... and it is proven now :) GBU always.
Last but not least, let me dedicate this blog post for you ;)