Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I bring Your presence with me.
I speak Your peace, Your grace, Your mercy,
and Your perfect order into this office.
I acknowledge Your power over all that
will be spoken, thought, decided, and done within these walls.
Lord, I thank You for the gifts You have blessed me with.
I commit to using them responsibly in Your honor.
Give me a fresh supply of strength to do my job.
Anoint my projects, ideas, and energy,
so that even my smallest accomplishment
may bring You glory.
Lord, when I am confused, guide me.
When I am weary, energize me. When I am
burned out, infuse me with the light of the Holy Spirit.
May the work that I do and the way I do it bring
faith, joy, and a smile to all that I come in
contact with today. And oh Lord,
when I leave this place, give me traveling mercy.
Bless my family and home to be in order as I left it.
Lord, I thank you for everything You've done,
everything You're doing, and everything You're going to do.
In the Name of Jesus I pray, with much love and Thanksgiving..... Amen.
PS: Got this note from my boss today... maybe I should start to say this prayer everyday before I go to work...
Monday, May 25, 2009
What happened? Yesterday, me & IEC friends went to an ice cream restaurant to celebrate friends' birthday (there were 30 of us...created furors! Hehe..). I sit next to Evelyn, and not long after we sit down, Evelyn popped up a question, "Ta, what happened? You are not as 'on fire' as you used to be (she means my ministry at church). There's a decline. Is there any reason why?". Then we had a discussion about it. Mainly I admitted it, then I explained the reason *or rather excuses?*
First reason, my work in the last two weeks has been very tiring. My colleague (the only partner who teach Bahasa Indonesia class) was hospitalized & took MC for almost two weeks, so I became the only one who taught BI class. Everyday I taught two classes. Whole day. Everyday. I broke a record, 19 classes in a row. Thank GOD I did not fall sick *malah sang admin gua yg MC 2 hari :p* And when it came to the time where I was not working, I just wanna refresh my mind and forget about ministry. Sit in front of computer checking Facebook, chatting online with friends, reading books, attending fellowships-Prayer Meeting-lectures, watching movies, hanging out with friends. As a result, I 'sacrificed' my ministry. It's a bad thing... I felt guilty, but I was really helpless at that time.
Second reason, my division coordinator is travelling to Europe, cannot be contacted :p
That's what I told her yesterday.
But today, I reflected more about it.
I remember that in between my conversation with Evelyn, she mentioned that she even once came to think that I was like that because Ci Wen I (our previous pastor) left IEC Sg to minister in Indo. She knew that I was so close with Ci Wen I.
Honestly, I was struck for a while on her statement, but I didn't say anything and we then just continue our conversation.
Only this morning that I reflected about it again and I realised that I have (unconsciously) missed Ci Wen I. Why would I say that? Because when I remember again what Evelyn said about Ci Wen I, I must struggle to hold back my tears *I'm in a bus, cannot cry la...* and I admitted in my heart to GOD that I missed her...
- I missed her presence that brought laughter with the funny things she would do (make funny expressions or movements. Haha)
- I missed her Sundanese accent :)
- I miss her singing... badly :)
- I missed serving the LORD with her. I remember one time when we had to choose the cantata for Easter (I was still jobless at that time). Both of us stayed at our own place, in front of our computer. We would exchange calls and smses *coz she never chat online! >.<* We would go to websites. She would ask me to check some of the title she chose, and vice versa. We would exchange ideas & opinions, till the end we decided on "Who is This King". That was so much fun. And I remember the process of preparing Indonesia Day , how she encouraged me when I felt doubt to take the responsibility as coordinator as I was just started my job (adjustment period, I reasoned).
And so many other things that I could not put here :)
- I miss her that always be her. Never put up mask. A person that would cry out of her compassion (seen it many times when she shared her experience). The person that would speak it out when she thinks something is not right. The person that is not ashamed to show her weaknesses. That fact made me relieve, realising that every human has weaknesses (even the so called leader & full time servant of GOD), and we need others' strength to complement and support each other. She and I have similarities, but on the other side she had the strength that I would be weak at, and I got the strength that she would be weak at.
- I miss the "burden-and-concern-sharing-session" on ministry at IEC that we had. I needed someone to share and so did she. She would take what I said seriously... and I would consider her advise seriously...
Must admit that I'm currently still in the 'adapting mode' after she left IEC. It takes time, Ta. It takes time... *That's what you always teach your students, rite? :p*
I had both 'professional' and 'personal' touch with her. After she left, I could easily found the 'professional touch' from others, but I guess I still haven't found the 'personal touch'. *hope you understand what I mean :p*
Well... life MUST still go on even without her presence here, rite? True ministry does not depend on someone. It depends on GOD.
OK, Ta. Move on!
Anyway, I sent her a message asking how she is now. She said she is busy. Just finished one Cantata and now preparing for a tour in 4 cities in Indo. Other than that, still have other projects. There will be choir festival in September. This June there will also be "Peduli Bandung".
Oh wow... so many things to do. I was encouraged to do what I'm supposed to do here, knowing that she's doing what she's supposed to do there.
OK, now is thanksgiving time!
LORD, I was grateful that life has gone back to normal. My colleague came back to work. My division coordinator has come back from Europe. Thank YOU for sending me Evelyn and creating opportunity for us to discuss about it. I had come to one root of the problem that I never realized before... and solved it!
So... I guess now is the time for me to 'get up' again :)
Last word... for Evelyn. Thank you for speaking up. I really appreciate it. What you've said & done has (indirectly) encouraged me. I'll try my best to 'get up' ASAP :p By the way, glad to see you very "on-fire" recently. To see you in current condition is one thing that Ci Wen I and I would be grateful about, because both of us believed that you had huge potential... and it is proven now :) GBU always.
Last but not least, let me dedicate this blog post for you ;)
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Make me a blessing -
1. Out in the highways and byways of life,
many are weary and sad;
Carry the sunshine where darkness is rife
making the sorrowing glad.
Make me a blessing, Make me a blessing,
Out of my life May Jesus shine;
Make me a blessing, O savior, I pray,
Make me a blessing to someone today.
2. Tell the sweet story of Christ and His love;
Tell of His pow'r to forgive;
Others will trust Him if only you prove
true ev'ry moment you live.
3. Give as 'twas given to you in your need;
Love as the Master loved you;
Be to the helpless a helper indeed;
Unto your mission be true.
Alternatively, you could hear the song here.
This song has been in my mind in the last two weeks. That's why I was so happy when we sang it in the last Sunday Service :)
It's just so in line with my motto in life: "Blessed... to be a blessing"
It would be my ideal life... my dream... my commitment...
This song would remind me to:
1. Recall the blessings that God provides for me (physically, mentally, spiritually).
Why? Because to be a blessing I need to realise that I have been blessed. Or else, I won't have anything to bless others and I will end up becoming a 'fake' blessing.
2. Thank HIM for everything He has done in my life.
3. Deny myself.
I'm in the learning process of denying myself.
Recently, I have been reminded about it, especially through the I Corinthians that I'm 'digging' right now. I'm reminded that life is not about me.
Life is about HIM. Life is about others.
Wew... sounds tough, rite? It IS SUPER TOUGH! Haha!
I believe it would be a life-long learning.
Learning to let go of MY own dream, MY own ambition, and MY own desires.
Right now I'm still in the process of discerning my desires with HIS desires. After that, there's still long way to go :p
Well... learning to take it step by step :)
"And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee,
and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing"
Sunday, May 10, 2009
by: Il Divo
Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times
Mama remember all my life
You showed me love,You sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed
along the way
And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
I miss you, I miss you
Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong
Dry your eyes
Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed
Along the way
And I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama
This song really struck me... especially the last verse (in bold)... That is the thing that I would like most for my mom to feel. I know that there are some choices I made that she could not understand at first (came to Sg, resigned from my work and as a result I need to be jobless for months, taking SBC course, etc).
She would feel worried... She would ask why... She would seek for clarification...
Well, Mom, I know it's quite difficult for you to understand me as I'm not the type of person that is really open about everything. I have been trying to explain everything to you but sometimes it might not clear enough to ease your mind. And I just hope that you trust me enough with every choice that I made...
And I really thank you for your prayers...
I remember when I was 6... I would be the little child that sleep between you and Dad :p
And everyday... yes... everyday... I could hear you praying for each of us, your children. I could hear clearly that you mentioned my name in your prayers. And I believe you still do it till today...
You, and your prayers, are the biggest blessing God gives to me in my life :)
And if, in the future, I make choices that you couldn't understand nor agree... please let me know... and please pray for me so that every choice I make is the best choice according to God's will. I know you have great dreams for me, and I know that what I'm going through now is somehow not the same as you have dreamed about. I sincerely ask you to pray for me that I would give the best for God... and that you are at peace with every choice that I will make, knowing that it comes from The Source of Life.
Luv you, Mom. God bless.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
So refreshing for my mind & body! Not sure when was the last time I went "hiking"... long time ago...
Oh yeah! Took some pics. Hmm... just realize that it's been long since I uploaded photo on my blog. It's just so weird that the last year I did not take too many photos...
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
"Am I really capable to do this?"
"Am I that strong?"
"It's so tiring... can I handle this?"
Today I ended the day with hope... with joy... with a refreshed mind... and with answers...
I saw the broken hearted healed...
I saw tears was shed... replaced by smile... and even laughter...
I had a meaningful conversation...
I've been blessed by one person and have been a blessing to another...
It is AMAZING how HE works!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
So happy that today I could have a daybed for two hours!!! ^o^ It is truly a privilege, especially after days of lack of sleep.
Long time I haven't update my blog.
3 months ago I started to write journals on a book, that's why I blog less. Yea... I'm a conservative, I prefer writing rather than typing.
Anyway... What happened in this last two weeks?
-Have been writing summaries of the books I read: "Ajar Kami Bertumbuh" by Billy Kristanto, and "Let Me be a Woman" by Elisabeth Elliot (luv them both! so deep yet practical!). Lots of new thing to learn, and trying hard to live what I read >.<
-Have been going out with people that I have never gone out with before
-Have been listening to BBC radio (always luv British accent! And I did it also to neutralise the Singlish. Haha..)
-Bought a new handphone. Why? Coz I'm so 'clever'. I kept my HP in my jacket, and washed the jacket! (put it in the washing machine). When I realised, it's been to late... So sad! I luv my Nokia 6020... so simple... so black... so durable... so convenient to use... and the most unforgettable feature is... its endurance! It still worked eventhough it's been falling on the floor for more than 15 times! *I had a habit of putting my HP on my bed. And sometimes when I woke up in the morning I would found it lie on the floor :p*
-Had a new colleague coming on board (a Filipino guy)
-BBQ at East Coast on May Day and stayed at Lilis' house the night before (had seafood, laughed at Tim Hawkins funny video :D, and talked about our life now)
-Cherishing the last moment of my "New Testament Survey" by DR. Griffith *this coming Monday would be my last class* :'( SO SAD! I luv his lecture. Luv the reading materials. Luv his testimonies in each of the class he taught. Coming to each of his lecture always make me realize: My GOD is a living GOD, HIS Word truly lives in HIS people's lives.
And yes, I luv my life. Busy... somehow tiring... but meaningful.
Like the prayer of St. Ignatius of Loyola I read from EE's book today:
"Teach us, Good Lord,
To Serve Thee as Thou deservest;
To give and not to count the cost;
To fight and not to heed the wounds;
To labor and not to ask for any reward,
save that of knowing that we do Thy will.
Through Jesus Christ Our Lord, Amen."