The past weeks has been especially tough for me at work...
More and more students are coming. It's draining to teach lots of students because I had to assess each of them and sometimes didn't have time to ask them to re-do if they made mistake. And as a result, I would feel guilty for not doing my best in teaching them.
I feel that nowadays the office staffs experienced greater pressure.
Our largest client sent so many students and sometimes pushed us to teach more than we should. The regulation stated that in one class there can't be more than 30 people, but trainers often taught more than that (up to 36! And sometimes they sent the students late for class so the students would miss the first part of the course).
The big boss also didn't help. They actually had the authority to prevent client sending so many students, but instead they just let the client did what they wanted and "encourage" trainers to work harder (open evening class). Both the big boss and client really driven by profit (money) to the extent that they didn't care about:
- other people (trainers & students well-being)
- creating a healthy environment in the office
- the rules (more than 30 students in one class)
As a result, I felt dissapointed and upset. I must admit that in the past few days I got angry more easily.
These pressures affected our manager. He was "trapped" in between. I think on one hand, he felt guilt for breaking the rules and witnessing the trainers worked tirelessly in teaching more students that we should. And on the other hand, he couldn't do anything as it is boss' order to continue with it. My manager got 3 boils (bisul) in the past 2 weeks! He went to a doctor and the doctor told him that it occured as a result of stress. He took so many types of medicine, from ginger, pain-reliever, and antibiotic. He always wore jacket because he felt feverish, and he told me that he had sleepless nights. It is very sad to see him in this kind of situation.
The other trainer started to ask question whether I feel bored with the job because I think she feels so.
There are some other things also that make the situation more complicated and I think too complicated to be told here, but bottom line is... the situation is quite discouraging...
I struggled a lot...
Before I went to work I would pray, talk to God, let Him know what I feel and what I think... and ask His help and strength that I could survive through these...
And... He answered.
On one morning during my prayer time, I suddenly reminded to a song titled "The Faithful One"
Then I pondered about God's faithfulness.
Heavenly Father has faithfully gave His only begotten Son as a sacrifice to save the world. Jesus has faithfully left heaven, incarnate into human *the infinite became finite, limited by flesh, time, sickness, sorrow, etc*. Jesus was not just born to the world. Throughout His life, He faithfully preached, teached, and healed. He faithfully walked throught the agony of:
-physical pain (tortured, crowned by thorns, hanged on the cross)
-psychological embarassment (rejection by his own family members, mockery, spitted by others)
-the spiritual struggles (a sinless God became sinful not by His own but by our sin, to the extent that the sentence "My God, My God, why has Thou forsaken me?" came out of His mouth)
Jesus faithfully did the Heavenly Father's will to die on the cross, rose again, gone up to Heaven and send us a helper -the Holy Spirit- to take His role until He came for the second time.
GOD WAS, IS, AND WILL BE FAITHFUL. That is unquestionable.
The question is: ARE YOU FAITHFUL, ITA? WILL YOU BE FAITHFUL?
Yes, Lord. Not by my strength, but by Your power. Not by my knowledge, but by Your wisdom. Not my my limited resources, but by Your Divine resources of love, peace, joy, and grace. Help me to be faithful in doing Your will in my life.
I believe that this job is a responsibility that You have given me and still ask me to do.
I will endure... until one day You send me for other "mission".
Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness that enabled me to be faithful. It IS still TOUGH... but "I CAN do EVERYTHING through YOU who gives me STRENGTH" (Philippians 4:13)
I find no hope within to call my own
For I am frail of heart, my strength is gone
But deep within my soul is rising up a song
Here in the comfort of the faithful one
I walk a narrow road through valleys deep
In search of higher ground, on mountains steep
And though with feet unsure, I still keep pressing on.
For I am guided by the faithful one.
Faithful, faithful to the end,
My true and precious friend,
You have been faithful,
Faithful, so faithful to me
I see your wounded hands, I touch your side
With thorns upon your brow you bled and died
But there's an empty tomb, a love for all who come
And give their hearts to you, the faithful one.
Faithful, faithful to the end,
My true and precious friend,
You have been faithful,
Faithful, so faithful to me
And when the day is dawned and when the race is run
I will bow down before God's only Son
And I will lift my hands in praise for all you've done
And I will worship you, my faithful one.
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