I'm currenty applying to a program titled Clinical Pastoral Education. As part of the application I am required to submit a dynamic autobiography. The instruction goes like this: A brief account of your life including family, Christian faith and career, the important events and relationship with persons who have been significant to you. Relate how these events and relationships have shaped and impacted your development and growth.
And... I decided to post it here. I still need to go for interview to be able to enter the program. I might fail... but at least I posted something on my blog :p
So... here is a brief account of my life before I entered TTC...
I was born in Bandung, Indonesia, in 1984. I have one elder brother
and two younger brothers. Being a third generation Christian, I have always
been encouraged by my parents to attend Sunday school. I enjoyed Sunday school
because I got to sing songs and listened to the Bible stories. What was taught
in Sunday school was significance in laying foundation and shaping of my
spiritual life.
I accepted Christ as my Saviour when I was 16 while attending
cathecism class. At that time the teacher handed over a piece of paper to each
student. He told us that he would ask a question and all of us have to think
about the answer and write it down on the paper. The question was: "If at
this very moment you die, are you sure that you will be in heaven?"
I am struck by the question. At that time I felt that I was still
young, I did not need to think about death. But on the other side, it is a fact
that people can die at any moment, even babies. I was thinking very seriously.
My heart beat very fast. On one hand, I feel that I am a good person. I was
obedient to my parents, got good grades at school, went to church, and did good
things to others. But somehow I could not write "Yes." Finally, I
wrote "No". I really was not sure if I would go to heaven.
All the paper was collected and the teacher started to give an
explanation regarding salvation (eternal life). Basically, the teacher
explained it with Evangelism Explosion’s method. That moment I realized that I
was a sinful man, because sin doesn’t include only any wrongdoings that I do.
Sin also includes my unholy thoughts and the good deeds that I could actually
do but I didn’t. I was aware that I couldn’t save myself by doing good deeds. I
was also aware that I had been relying on Jesus only for the temporal things
(asking for good grades, asking Jesus to provide my necessities, asking Him to
lead and guide me in ministry). But I have never depended on Jesus to save me,
to grant me eternal life.
When I got home, I went into my room, locked the door and began to
pray. In the presence of God I confess that I am a sinner and I profess Jesus
as my Savior who died on the cross to redeem me. I asked Jesus to come into my
heart and reign in my life so that I would not sin anymore and that I may live
in accordance with God’s will in my life. Since then I have peace in my life,
knowing that I will be with the Father in heaven. I was also becoming more
interested in spiritual thing, thing that is eternal. I also have deeper
longing of serving the LORD.
At that time I was a very shy and introvert person. I had a very
low self-image because people were always making fun of me being obese. My
youth pastor, Ps. Hendrikus helped me to overcome it. He always reminds me that
I am wonderfully made and the value of my life is not decided by what people
think of me, or even what I think of me, but on how I live my life, whether it
is according to God’s purpose or not. I grew up to be a leader in teen and
youth ministry.
I sensed the call to be a full-time minister was
when I was 18 years old. At that time I was about to graduate from high school
and started to think about which college I should apply to. Bible School was
one of the alternatives, but when I consulted with my parents, they went
against the idea. I was then decided to study International Relations. After
graduating with a Bachelor degree, in December 2006 I came to Singapore to
work.
I began my first job as Conference Producer with
high expectation to be financially independent. Receiving my own salary means I
can buy whatever I want. I was able to buy my favourite branded products. I
would treat people at Japanese restaurants and follow my colleagues to go for
buffet in prominent hotels. But after one-and-a-half years, I began to feel
emptiness in my heart. I couldn’t find long-lasting satisfaction. “Is this what
my life supposed to be?” I thought. I
can’t stand the feeling, so I resigned. I felt the need to pause and think
deeply about what I am supposed to do in life. There are several alternatives
considered: to take Master Degree, start a business, or work while taking
part-time Bible School.
Being unemployed, I had a lot of time to consult with Ps. Isabel Tong, my church pastor. I asked her about how to
know God’s specific calling for me and what God wanted me to do in my future.
She really guided me to improve and develop my spiritual life, especially my
personal relationship with God through spiritual disciplines (Bible reading,
prayer, quiet times, journaling, etc.)
Since then I started to see more clearly what God wants me to do in
my life, God was calling me to serve him full-time. I explained my parents
about this calling. My dad allowed me, but my
mom was still against it. She only allowed me to take evening Bible
Class. Since January 2009 I started taking evening Bible class at the Singapore
Bible College.
At that time I still had doubts about my calling. I was worried
that the strong calling came to me just because I was unemployed. I thought it
is possible that the calling would cease when I started working again. In
February 2009 I got a new job as a Safety Trainer for the Indonesian domestic
helpers who just arrived in Singapore. It turned out to be a very meaningful
phase in my life. I was given a chance to get in touch with a lot of people and
to share the Gospel to some of them. I enjoyed my job. However, the call to go
full time grew increasingly stronger in my heart. I
am more convinced that I was ready to quit my job and fulfill God's call as a
full-timer.
Since April 2009, I started calling my mother
again for her approval to be a full-timer. I kept praying
to God that He would change my mother’s heart. I
let the Lord know that I could not be one hundred percent sure to apply to
Bible School if my mother did not approve. I kept calling my mother to explain
about God’s calling in my life and I kept praying to God. God showed His grace
and answered my prayer. After a couple of months, my mother’s heart was changed
and she finally gave her full support for me to be a full timer. The Lord has
opened a way. The church also decided to provide scholarship
for my study at Trinity Theological College. Praised the LORD :)
