Beijing... oh... Beijing...

It's been one week since I came back from Beijing and I miss that city a lot! :'(

I really really really thank GOD for the opportunity to be there *my farthest trip so far*. Honestly, I have never ever imagined myself being there.
The trip itself started when I had a conversation with Mrs. I whose daughter, Z, currently studying there. She offered me her place to stay if I ever had a chance to go there. Well... Why not? Then I thought.
I've got non-budget-airline-but-cheap ticket :) And I've got a free furnished apartment *bonus: house mate :)*
Great!

Well... to provide a brief description of my times there, I will show excerpts of my journal entry written there:

“Lost in Translation” started when I got into the taxi. The driver couldn't speak English at all. Gestures is the language here :) Arrived into the apartment lobby and the people there spoke very little English. They was very very nervous when they knew that I only speak English. But one very good thing that I noticed from them is that they were trying hard to speak English with me, and all the people around them, even though they are not staff, helped them :) Z was having a class and therefore I couldn't call her. So I just decided to put my baggage in the storage room and walked around there.

There is no rules on the road. The roads are so wide and there were bicycles everywhere. Quite dangerous because people drove cars very fast. There was no rules on the road. Some people don't wait until the light is green. And there is high chance that a bicycle will bump into you because bicycle rules here!:)

The weather was awesome! It was cold and windy. Aircon and heater are available,but I don't need it! It really reminds me of good old days in Bandung!

Finally I met Z and we reached the apartment together. It was newly built apartment, very cozy.
Z's parents let me sleep in the only bedroom. It was like hotel room with big flat TV and they let me use the laptop in the bedroom.

I couldn't stop thank GOD for this. I was asking HIM for a getaway and He provided it through the nature which He created and through Z's family.
A weather that I dreamed of. My own private room. Tranquility. It's perfect, GOD. I couldn't ask more. Thank You for everything :)

Today I went Yuan Ming Yuan (Old Summer Palace). It was the place that used by the emperor and the royal family to 'cool down' during summer (as summer in Beijing could be very very hot). It is a huge place with lots of lakes, trees, flowers, and pavillions to enjoy beautiful sceneries. The scenery could have been more beautiful with lots of wonderful building such as palaces, mansions, temples, fountains, huge statues, etc, but the Anglo-French troops destroyed all the buildings and stole some the best statues. So when I was there, I only saw ruins.

I figure out that while it is a very good thing to take time for a while from the hot summer to enjoy Yuan Ming Yuan, it is also important they go back to their own main responsibility to govern the nation. For me, it means that in the 'heat' of life (when I started to feel life as only routines, when I feel burn-out, when things started to get me beyond my control), it is important to stop, to be silent and solitude before the LORD. And this silence and solitude cannot be natural to human. We need to arrange time with HIM, because it is not human nature to seek GOD first. It must be intentional. And another that is not less important is to continue with the 'routines' with the refreshed perspective of it and strength from the Almighty. Most of the times we are unconscious about the benefit of routines. Routines could actually helps us indirectly to move on with life. When we do the routines, it means life goes on and GOD still wants us to be HIS partner in this life. We still have duties and responsibilities to do. Isn't it nice to see routines from a different perspective? But it is not easy to do. Sometimes we need something very unexpected happen in our lives to make us realize the benefit of routines, such as when we lost someone we love and that we are in desperate need to move on. Routines could help us to get a sense that life does moves on.

Z accompanied me to Old Summer Palace and she showed me things that I wouldn't be able to see if I went there alone. She told me that the most beautiful part of Old Summer Palace is not the part the tourist group would stop at. In order to get the best scenery, we need to follow a small pathways (sometimes no pathways). This small pathways was definitely more difficult to follow. It is narrow. It is tiring because we need to do some climbing. It could also be dangerous because if your foot tripped, you cannot find anything to hang on and you would glide down. But the extra efforts really worth it. There was a pavillion in one of the highest point of the Old Summer Palace. I must say that it is the best spot. Very peaceful (you cannot see people talking,only birds chirping). Very cool with the wind breezed among the trees. Great view of Lotus lake and island.
Well... isn't life like that? When we want to get to the highest place, there is extra efforts needed. "

Next... let's go to my to-do-list that I roughly made before I went there:

I want to sing and pray without fear of waking up anyone :p - done
I want to finish "Secure in the Everlasting Arms" by Elisabeth Elliot... - not done
I want more time to reflect... -got
I want to pour out my thoughts in my journal... I missed my hand-writing! -well.. didn't write but typed on notebook
I want to go to the places I'd never been before (definitely!)... - done
I want to enjoy the cool weather and beautiful scenery... -done
I want to eat funny2 foods (scorpio?)... - done :)
I want to take lots of pics and videos (yeahhh!!!)... - done
I want to do bungee jumping (no such thing in Singapore!)... - done
I want to cook (errr... it's part of the plan... but not sure that I would be able to do this)... -done
I want to sleep early and wake up early... - not really :p
I want to take walks in the parks... -done
I want to learn a musical instrument... - done

Coming back to Singapore, I felt totally refreshed!

I started to ponder on what things made me refreshed. Was it being in a new environment? Doing things I never did before? The weather? The apartment? The food? Well... yup, those things helped, but I think what refresh me most is... LOVE... believe it or not! :p
It didn't mean that being in Beijing made me loved more. It's just that I could feel it more intensely as I did not have so many things to distract me in enjoying love from God and from others. Intimate time with Him alone... intimate time with Z...

My love language is quality time. I feel loved most if I spend quality time with the people I love.
I thank God I wasn't totally alone there! There's Z and her church friends...
Together we watch movies.... cook ... had dinner out (and delivery)... had girl talk and serious talk... hang out... play games... shop...
I feel loved knowing that she was willing to spend time searching through the net to find out for me how to get to places, and she even wrote it down for me. She also spared time to accompany me out and translate when I need to bargain.

While I received so many blessings and love, I would also need some channels to share them out with others.
I learnt that Z's love language is 'touch'. She would hold hands, lean her head on me, hug, etc. And I was learning to love her with the her love language. It didn't come naturally for me because I certainly didn't raised in a family that would 'touch' each other. And thank GOD for this opportunity to learn another aspect of love :)

What a give and take! I totally had a great time there! :)

Goodbye, Lion City!

I will leave Singapore tomorrow, off to Beijing for 13 days personal retreat.
Too excited till I couldn'd sleep :p

In Beijing...

I want to spend more time ALONE with GOD. Didn't really have much quiet times totally alone here. Me & my roommate are two different person. I am a morning person while she is a night person. I usually had quiet times in the morning while she slept next to me (we were sleeping on the same bed) and at night it would be the reverse.
And most of the times in Singapore I would be outside doing things, including working part time.

I want to sing and pray without fear of waking up anyone :p
I want to finish "Secure in the Everlasting Arms" by Elisabeth Elliot...
I want more time to reflect...
I want to pour out my thoughts in my journal... I missed my hand-writing!

I want to get ready for my calling...
Thanks to Ev. Agus Susanto who shared to us today about Paul who is ready. He is ready physically, mentally, intellectually, and spiritually.
This trip to Beijing is part of the preparation to be ready for my calling, the nearest preparation would be studying at TTC. Hopefully this trip will help me to meet my mental and spiritual need.

I also want to spend quality times with my sisters there :)

Other than that...

I want to go to the places I'd never been before (definitely!)...
I want to enjoy the cool weather and beautiful scenery...
I want to eat funny2 foods (scorpio?)...
I want to take lots of pics and videos (yeahhh!!!)...
I want to do bungee jumping (no such thing in Singapore!)...
I want to cook (errr... it's part of the plan... but not sure that I would be able to do this)...
I want to sleep early and wake up early...
I want to take walks in the parks...
I want to learn a musical instrument...

So many things in mind... not sure whether I will be able to fulfill everything...
May the LORD help me to focus on achieving the main purpose.

The Near Future

Future... I like to think about the future, especially my future. And lately I thought a lot about it.
It makes me excited, but also apprehensive.

1. China trip
Excited because I will see and do a lot of new things, but apprehensive because of the language. Last Friday was my last day to work full time in my company. Previously I thought that I could use this two full weeks (until 10 May) to learn basic Mandarin conversation. But now, the company asked me to work part-time everyday (2-6pm) because they haven't found out a replacement for me. There gone my studying time... I think later I will count on my Mandarin phrasebook and dictionary :p
Still not sure whether I should go to Shanghai from Beijing. If the trip with Rev. HR is confirmed then I won't go to Shanghai as I will spend the last 5 days in China getting involve in his team. He needs to get the visa to go there. I haven't applied for any visa also.
Anyway, I think my boss will even go to the extent of asking me to cancel my trip to China and will reimburset the ticket cost.
Hmm... waiting for His answer... really need His spirit of discernment...

2. June holiday
Coming back from China will be a full month holiday in June. Excited because I will spend time with my parents in Phuket and after that will go back to Bandung, but apprehensive of what I should do for 2 weeks plus in Bandung.

3. Trinity T. College Life
This is the most exciting part, and as a result... it is the thing that makes me most apprehensive.
A lot of questions came up into my mind:
Why TTC? What will happen? Will I be able to cope with lessons & reading materials? Will I be busy with classes and papers? Will I be able to cope with the great minds of the lecturers from various school of thoughts?
Other than that, it's about the scholarship. It motivates me to study well. I want my college days back. I studied International Relations and I loved it, so all the classes and reading materials were not a burden for me. Well... I hope it also will apply in my Theological study. I love God, so study Theology is not supposed to be a burden for me, but a process to enjoy.
But the problem is, scholarship also means there are some expectations from others (the church and organisation that funded me). I don't like to think about human's expectations. For me, God's expectation for me is the most important thing. But... I cannot just disregard their expectation. They are still the people whom God used to fund my study.
The situation is quite complicated I guess.

Well, I'm basically a phlegmatic. And one disadvantage of being a phlegmatic is they are coward. They are afraid to confront people. They are afraid of rejection. They are afraid of hurting people or being hurt by others therefore they don't like to build a deep relationship. They are afraid of challenges, sufferrings and failure... They constantly look for comfort zone.

Many times when I think about the future, fear will take charge. It IS dangerous.

In times like this, I always find comfort from Elisabeth Elliot's writing on the famous (and one of my favourite) hymn by Horatio Spafford, "It is Well with My Soul". It is the first chapter of her book, Secure in the Everlasting Arms. Here is the excerpts:

Just after the Arab-Israeli War in 1967, I spent 10 weeks in Jerusalem. One afternoon I was invited to have tea with Mrs. Bertha Spafford Vester, who had lived there all of her 91 years, a fascinating woman. She was the fifth daughter of Horatio Spafford, who wrote "It Is Well With My Soul."

I remember sitting in the small dining room of the beautiful hotel where I was staying, which had been the home of the Spafford family, and I noticed this old lady. She fascinated me. She happened to sit just across from me and I could sit there and watch her eat and watch her talk to the servants, all of whom of course she knew because she lived there in that hotel. And I wondered who she was and finally I asked my waiter and he told me that her name was Mrs. Bertha Spafford Vester. I remembered that name, Spafford, and somehow or other--I don't really know how in the world it happened--she found out that I was in the hotel and might enjoy having a cup of tea with her. So that is what happened.

The story of that beautiful hymn, "It Is Well With My Soul," is familiar, I'm sure, to very many of you. But Mrs. Vester added many details that were certainly brand-new to me.

The great Chicago fire of the 1870s caused Spafford, a wealthy businessman, to take stock of his life. Wanting to know Jesus better, he decided to sell everything and move to the land where He had walked. "He" was capitalized, meaning where Jesus had walked. Shortly before the ship sailed, he was delayed by business but took the family to New York. For some reason that he was unable to explain, he had the purser change their cabin, moving them closer to the bow. He returned to Chicago to finish his business.

Then came a telegram: "Saved alone." The ship had sunk. Mrs. Spafford had survived. Their four daughters had perished. Had they been in the cabin originally reserved amidships, all five would have been drowned, for it was just there that the steamer had been struck by another vessel.

As we sipped tea and munched on Arab sweets, Mrs. Vester, who was not born until after the disaster, told me how her mother had described that terrible, black night when she and her four little girls were flung into the cold sea. Frantically, she had tried to save them. Barely she had been able to touch just with her fingertips the hem of the little gown of one of her babies, but she could not grasp it. She herself had been miraculously rescued as she floated unconscious on a piece of flotsam.

During Mr. Spafford's voyage to join his wife in France, the captain summoned him one day to the bridge. Pointing to his charts, he explained that it was just here, where they were at that moment, that the other ship had gone down. Spafford returned to his cabin and wrote the hymn which has comforted countless thousands:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll--
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

That word "lot" is not one we use in quite that way. It means whatever happens, that which comes by the will of the powers that rule our destiny, a share, a portion, an assignment. When we draw lots, no human power controls which will be ours. But Christians know that we are not at the mercy of chance. A loving hand, a great wisdom, and an omnipotent power rule our destiny.

The government of all is on the mighty shoulders of Christ Himself, who sees all long before it happens. All is intended for our blessing. How different things look. Yet think of the faith of Horatio Spafford, suffering the loss of all his children and writing, "Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well."

To love God is to love His will. That which He gives we receive. That which He takes, we relinquish, as glad to know ourselves in the hands of God as we should be sorry to be in our own, as Fenelon said. As glad to know ourselves in the hands of God as we should be sorry to be in our own. Wouldn't you rather be in the hands of God?

With what astonishment of gladness or sadness we receive some things. With what reluctance or delight we relinquish others. Yet we find that we can bear our own sufferings while of others' sufferings we say, "I could never bear that."

My friend Jim, whose wife has cancer, wrote to me. "The assignment is so hard, but always there are the gracious gifts, the winks of heaven--a friend stopping by, a plumber coming at the perfect moment. Coincidences? Not to one with the eyes of faith. God shields us from most of the things that we fear, but when He chooses not to shield us, He unfailingly allots grace in the measure needed. It is for us to choose to receive or refuse it. Our joy or our misery will depend on that choice."

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; and have made my lot secure." Psalm 16:5

What an encouragement! In times of worries and fear, I sometimes would say, "Whatever my lot." and it will remind me of this beautifully-written and God-inspired article.

A Day with Rev. HR and His Wife

Missionaries...
A special call...
A call for total surrender to GOD even on the simplest thing of daily lives...
A call for faith to His providence...
A call for sacrifice... die to yourself and your loved ones...
A call to live for Christ... and bear His cross...
A call to fully understand God's heart... His mercy and compassion...

A day with them has opened my eyes and heart of what God can really do in ordinary people's life. He is undescribably amazing, and I stand here totally in awe of Him and His works.

I believe my Creator knows me well, what I would and wouldn't be able to bear. That is why he did not call me for this particular mission.

Still... He is calling me to do good works that are just right for me...
And yes, just like Rev. HR and his wife who are faithfully doing good works that are right for them, I also want to be faithful to my calling.

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." -Ephesians 2:10-

New Toy

I bought a new phone a few days ago! *happy mode ON*

Why happy? Coz this phone can make my life easier in the future. How?

- China trip: help me to show map of China and to speak Chinese :p

- Quiet times & TTC life: help me with my study (Bible with lots of translation, commentaries, dictionary, note-taking, etc.)

- Life in general: more organized (files, time management, to do list)

- Mind-refreshment: I refresh myself by reading international news on newspaper. It is something that I seldom do lately coz in the office we don't subscribe to any newspaper and I didn't have much time to read there. Now it's like having newspaper for 24 hours in my hand :D

- Lighter carriage (a.k.a burden): Only one gadget to do lots of things!

Hopefully, lesser time to access information means more time for much more important things... things that are unseen :D

"Things seen must be used as tools to develop the greater things unseen."

Small Group (No Name Yet)

I am amazed by God's work in our Small Group I don't even know where to start.

The church started the idea of Small Group at the end of last year. At that time me & Dyn planned our groups. Both of us would lead this group that consists of Lis, Kem, Mel, Ton, Jas.

Off we started... meetings by meetings...
The chemistry is there, I must say. We could openly share about our life. And it's not just sharing. It is sharing with a 'deep' content, very spiritual... and we were growing in numbers, too.

I try to see each of us from God's point of view. There are HUGE potential.

God has planted the seed. And it is growing now.

Someday they will become huge trees with strong roots, sturdy stems, and ripe fruits.

In 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years time? I do not know.

Time is in His hands and His plan is sometimes unfathomable.

"Beyond imagination". That's the term I usually use :)

For me, I am amazed by His work in our lives. I am grateful of God's appointment to be part of this group.

Trully, this ministry is a priviledge. To see us in this stage... growing... is like to indirectly see God's hands doing works in our lives.

We are pilgrims... in progress..

We are struggling to find out God's calling in our life...
We are determined to have a better relationship with Him...
We are struggling with our weaknesses...
We are doing our best to witness for Christ...
We are praying for each other and for salvation of the people we love...
We want to be like Christ in our thoughts, our words, and our deeds... A vision that we would not be able to achieve in this life... but we knew that this is what God wants for us...

LORD, please, keep working in our lives. We are tools in Your hands. Use us to bring glory and honour for YOU alone. Amen.

Finally...

Finally... the letter came...
TTC accepted me!
Uogghhhh! So relieved and joyful!
Quite speechless now...