How are you?

It's been a while! :D
Writing again today just to check whether this blog is still working. :p
Since I graduated from TTC I have been in full-time ministry. As the congregation I am currently serving are using Bahasa Indonesia, I do most writings in Bahasa.
I'm afraid my English is becoming rusty :(

I have been hearing positive feedback about my sermons, so I was thinking of sharing all my sermons online. Then... I was reminded that I have a blog! So here I am... checking whether this blog is still usable. And it is!
But I won't be posting my sermons here. They are in Bahasa, while I want to keep this blog in English.
So... I will just put one of the assignments from my Preaching class.
The instruction was to come out with a 4-minute devotional.
So I imagined myself delivering this devotional to secondary school students in Christian schools during their morning devotion time :)
Please share this if you think that any secondary school students will be blessed by this! :)

I grew up as an obese child. When I was in secondary school, I reached 75 kg. It was painful to grow u
p as an obese kid. I remember when I was 6 years old, my brother’s friend came to my brother and asked him, “Where is your sister? I want to see.” My brother then pointed at me. His friend suddenly shouted, “Wow, your sister looks like sh*t!”
Or when my mom fetched me at school, on the way home she would say things like, “Look at your friends. They are slim, very pretty. Don’t you want to be like them?”
All these things really hurt my self-esteem. I grew up to be a very shy person.

Until I reached my teenage year, I met this one youth pastor. Knowing my issue, he always reminded me of this sentence in 1 Samuel 16 verse 7 “For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart."

This youth pastor asked me to always remember this verse when I felt dissatisfied with how I look. He told me that God examines my heart, not my appearance. It is my heart that matters. When my heart is directed towards God, when I obey God, God is delighted. And that is what really matters in life. “Be like David”, he said, “a person that is after God’s own heart.”

Times when I looked at the mirror can be very tricky. A lot of thought can come to my mind. “Eugh, look at that fat.” “Why do I have to have flat nose?” Or “Why is my hair so thin?”

Then I would be alerted and started to remind myself, “Ita, stop it! Stop! God doesn’t look at those things. God looks at your heart!”

After that I would try hard to shift my focus. Instead of complaining about how I look, I tried to do other things like: listening to my favorite hymn, or remembering some people in prayer. Those 5-10 minutes spent listening to hymn or praying is more worth it than spending it in front of the mirror complaining about how I look. It helps my mind and my heart to focus back on God.
It is very difficult for us to be fully satisfied with how we look. We are prone to think: “My skin is very dark!” or “I hate being short” or “My face got a lot of pimples!” or “I don’t like my hair!”

Then, friends, you are not alone. We are in this journey together. A journey where we need to keep reminding ourselves that God sees our heart much more than our appearance.

So, instead of spending hours lamenting on how we look, we can use those times to do better things that would delight God more, like thinking about our friends who might need help or prayer support and start praying for them, or listen to our favorite Christian band, or read good books. I believe that God will be satisfied when we do those things.

Looking back, I remember that we sometimes joke with this youth pastor about him gaining weight and getting bald. I realized that my youth pastor must have been encouraged by 1 Sam 16 verse 7 and therefore encouraged me with this truth. I, today, would like to do the same thing. I would like to remind you once again, that “…man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” Amen.

Disney's Frozen "Let It Go" Sequence Performed by Idina Menzel

For me this is by far the best scene in the history of Disney. So magical and enchanting! What a feast to my eyes, my ears, and my heart to watch this in big screen. Awesome job, Disney! Eagerly waiting for your next move :)

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I'm the Queen
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in; Heaven knows I've tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can't hold me back any more
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door

I don't care
What they're going to say
Let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can't get to me at all

I

t's time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I'm free

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You'll never see me cry

Here I stand
And here I stay
Let the storm rage on

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I'm never going back,
The past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
When I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone

Here I stand in the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway

Entering Full-Time Ministry

A little updates of my life.

I officially entered full-time ministry in June! :) It's been almost three months now. 

I have a lot of things to talk about.

My room

First, I'm currently staying in a parsonage with my senior pastor and his wife. I have my own room. It's my bedroom-cum-office (yes, we do not have an office).

I love the room! It's so comfortable! (which makes it somewhat non-conducive to work. Haha)

Morning routine 
Me, the senior pastor, and his wife have a morning routine. Each of us will wake up before 7am and have our morning devotion, then at 7 we will gather in the living room to share what we have been reflected on and updates on church ministry, prayer requests, even on each other lives. The time for sharing then followed by the time for praying. We pray for all things that we can remember of. After praying, we would have breakfast together.
     I love this morning routine. I think as Christians there is nothing that can bond us more compared to a fellowship in sharing God's Word, praying, and having meal together. And it really boosts our teamwork as partners in ministry :)

Preaching
I'm grateful for many opportunities given to me to deliver sermon. I would preach in the main service once a month and in the teens service once or twice a month.
     I enjoy preaching. I enjoy sermon preparation: reading and reflecting on the text, looking for illustrations, observing the world and the lives of people, and making the text relevant for the lives of people today. I am still very nervous before delivering my sermon, but there is always an immense joy after I finished preaching. I appreciate the varieties of comments provided by people. Most of them are encouragements like, "Good message!" (I think for this they should thank the Bible, not me. hehe..), "Concise and clear!", (I think it's because of my introverted nature, I don't really like to talk a lot in public. And this is how I was trained in Trinity Theological College Singapore).  I also receive constructive feedback like "You talk too fast" (Yup, a tendency as a visual person), "You need to improve your tone, practice your consonant, use your eyes to speak, repeat your ideas, have a more relaxed introduction, clearer and more actual application." Those are feedbacks that I appreciate very much. They have made me a better preacher.

Well... overall I'm still adapting with my new life. It is super-flexible (I have no office hours), so I need to discipline myself. Lord, help me!
   
   

Theological Reflection on the Use of Social Media in Teens Ministry

Here is another reflection, initially written as a requirement for my Field Education Placement. The title above explains it all. Hope it helps those who are in the similar ministry.

A little bit of context: I'm doing ministry among Indonesian students (age 14-19) resides in Singapore. And I wrote this reflection on April 2013.

REFLECTION:

Write a brief description of an important, difficult, rewarding or unique event or personal encounter.

Since this teen ministry started, I have been using more variety of social media. First, the teen ministry started a Facebook group. Later, I activated my Twitter account. Then, one of my co-worker initiated a Whatsapp group. 

Then reflect on the event or encounter described 

My theological understanding has become a solid foundation that encourages me to pursue relationship with others in the language most understandable to them. Our God is Trinity, and relationship in love is God’s character. God the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit have co-existed with one another in love since eternity. God wants a relationship with sinful human, so God reveals Himself and saves mankind through the incarnation of the Son. God became human. God uses the culture and the language of mankind so that we may know Him. Furthermore, as Christians we are called as people of God, a community. 

Ministry is about relationship with God and with one another in a community. And building a community needs communication. There are means of communication. The reason that I try to keep up with the latest social media development is because I want to build relationship, to communicate with the teens. I realized that phone call or sending short-message-service (sms) is no longer effective in reaching them, because to receive a call and reply to an sms the teens need to spend money top up, which most of them cannot afford. While social media like Facebook, Twitter, and Whatsapp are free because the school and hostels provides free wi-fi. Another reason is that phone call, for teens in this era, has been perceived more or less as quite intrusive. They do not call unless there is something very serious (usually negative) or very urgent to talk about. 

       There are many other varieties of social media now, but I found that Facebook group, Twitter, and Whatsapp group are the better ways to communicate with teens as a community. It is the most used media by the teens I our church to express themselves and communicate with each other. However, Facebook nowadays are becoming less popular among teens. They respond more when I message them through Twitter. But the most effective way of communicating now is through Whatsapp. Whatsapp group make it very easy to share prayer requests, bible verses, quotes, pictures, articles to read, links to video, and other resources. We send birthday wishes, congratulates each other for our achievements, invites each other to our important events (eg. concerts). I see discipleship as journeying with them. In Jesus’ time, disciples travel together with their teacher. They observe the whole life of their teacher. They shares lives with each other.

Having thought about your reflection, what would you do differently if you could do it all over again?

I need to constantly remind myself that social media cannot replace face-to-face encounter, so I still need to make efforts to see them and talk to them in person. I also need to be aware of the temptation, and therefore to restraint myself, of indulging in social media – being too obsessed with wanting to know how they are doing every day (updates). It can really absorb my time. 

Songs from Good Friday Musical

African-American spirit in today's Good Friday! :D

Keep your lamps trimmed and burning (3x)

The time is drawing nigh

Children don’t get weary (3x)

Till your work is done

Christian journey soon be over (3x)

The time is drawing nigh

Everytime I feel the spirit                              

Moving in my heart, I will pray                   

Everytime I feel the spirit                              

Moving in my heart, I will pray

On the mountain my Lord spoke

Out his mouth came fire and smoke

Down in the valley on my knees

Asked my Lord have mercy please

Jerdon river, chilly and cold

Chills the body not the soul

All around me looked so fine

Asked my Lord if all was mine

Ain’t but one train on this track

Runs to heaven and right back

St. Peter waitin’ at the gate

Said come on sinner, don’t be late

With my love and my sadness I come before You Lord

My heart’s in a thousand pieces Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment You’re with me somehow

And You’ve always been faithful So Lord even now

When all that I can sing Is a broken Hallelujah

When my only offering Is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration Will rise up from this ruin

I will worship You and give You thanks

Even when my only praise Is a broken Hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given Much more than I deserve

And I have felt Your hand of blessing On me at every turn

How could I doubt Your goodness Your wisdom, Your grace

So Lord hear my heart In this painful place

When all that I can sing Is a broken Hallelujah

When my only offering Is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration Will rise up from this ruin

I will worship You and give You thanks

               Even when my only praise Is a broken Hallelujah

In de mornin’ when I rise (3x) Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus (2x) You may have all this worl’ Give me Jesus

Just about de break of day (3x) Give me Jesus

Oh, when I come to die (3x) Give me Jesus

We shall walk through the valley in peace (2x)

For Jesus Himself will be our leader

We shall walk through the valley in peace

We will meet our loved ones there (2x)

For Jesus Himself will be our leader

We shall walk through the valley in peace

There will be no trials there (2x)

For Jesus Himself will be our leader

We shall walk through the valley in peace

We shall walk in peace

Birthday in Holy Week 2013

I think I love my birth date, 28 March, because it usually falls on Holy Week. I did not observe Holy Week until I was studying in TTC. Here, during Holy Week we would have chapel services from Monday to Thursday and we are encouraged to meditate more.

And the past three days (Monday until Wednesday) have been awesome. I feel blessed by the songs we sang in chapel and the sermon preached. I would take note on the sermon, went back to my room, copy my note to computer and take time to reflect. It's deep and profound. The preacher talked about the "Tears of Peter" when Peter disowned Jesus for three times and how it can happen to us who are VERY COMMITTED Christians, but... in the end there is always an opportunity for reconciliation. On Tuesday he preached about the "Anatomy of Bertrayal" of Judas and how Judas' initial enchantment of Jesus as Messiah turned to be gradual disappointment when Judas saw Jesus not being the "liberationist" as he expected. And we all know that Judas' ending was a sad ending. On Wednesday, in a sermon titled "A Thief in Paradise" he preached about the request of the thief, who was crucified next to Jesus.

Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."

(Luke 23:42)

And today is quite special because it is Maundy Thursday. In Maundy Thursday we usually have foot-washing ceremony and stripping of the altar. Foot-washing ceremony reminds us of Jesus who washed His disciples' feet. Imagine, a teacher who washed his students' feet. What a profound symbol of humility, servanthood, sacrifice, and love! And stripping of the altar symbolizes Jesus that was stripped of his dignity at his crucifixion. Those ceremonies are meaningful and they never fail to touch my heart.

Another thing, today we have Holy Communion. And during Holy Communion the ordained minister, who is also one of my lecturer, after he handed me the wafer he laid his hands on my head and said, "... and blessing on your birthday". Wow, I really did not expect that! I knew that he realised today is my birthday, but I just did not expect that. Very touching. A special blessing by an ordained pastor on my birthday!

Teens Ministry (Feb '13)

Where am I now?

I thank God for my Field Education Placement Coordinator (FEPC). Since our church started this ministry to Indonesian secondary school and Junior College (JC) students in Singapore, my FEPC has been with me, monitoring the development of this ministry from a distance. As student, I am asked to submit reflection papers twice a year. My FEPC will the return the reflection paper with useful critiques, comments, and questions, those  that prompted me to evaluate further what I have been doing and what I should do next.

End of last year, she suggested me to start training some of them to be leaders. I pondered on her advise and came to agree with her. There are a couple of reasons. First, this ministry has been going on for 1.5 years. We have had more people and several potential leaders now. Secondly, I'm graduating this May and not sure what will happen to me. There's possibility that I will go back to Bandung. It's high time to pass the baton!

So now, I'm trying to equip two volunteers and eleven students to be leaders. I have been enjoying the process: looking up some resources (books, websites, articles), meeting with them and mentoring them in a small group or one-on-one, delegates LOTS and LOTS of responsibility to them (which is the best part! Haha...). 

I want them to stop needing me. Hopefully that is the case, especially when the time comes for me to leave Singapore.

Look at the World - John Rutter

Mission

Berjalan di jalan Salib Mu, Ku akan ikut Dia
DarahMu tercurah bagiku, Ku tetap ikut slamanya
Rintangan bukit luas samudera, ku ikut Engkau selamanya
Tuk jiwa yang mau dis’lamatkan, Ku persembahkan hidupku

O Bapa utuslah daku, Ku mau serta jalanMu
Ku’kan memberikan hidupku, Tuhan utus aku

Meskipun dunia membenciku, ku tetap mengasihi
‘Tuk jiwa-jiwa yang tersesat, ku rela jalani
Meski ku korbankan jiwaku, KasihMu tuk s’lamanya
Terimalah aku yang hina, demi kasih padaMu

主耶稣走过的十架路，  
我也愿跟随流出宝血牺牲的道路，  
我要跟随到底險峻的山嶺也無所謂，  
天涯海角我也願跟隨為了拯救失喪的靈魂， 
 我願捨棄寶貴生命父啊，
求祢差遣我！ 
 我要奔走十架路不惜犧牲我寶貴生命，
求祢差遣我世界雖無理的仇恨我， 
 我仍然以愛相待成就世界靈魂的十架，  
甘願走上這路甚至為了我犧牲生命， 
 你愛我竟愛到底求祢接納這微小的我， 
 獻上我的愛情 

To walk in Your path of cross, I will follow Him

Your blood was poured for me, I will follow forever

Though challenges ahead, I will follow you forever

For lost souls to be saved, I offer my life

O, Father, send me, I want to walk with You

I will give my life for you, Lord, send me

Though the world hates me, I still love

For lost souls, I’m willing to go through

Though I sacrifice my soul, Your love is forever

Accept me the despised, I love You

Our God is in Control

I would like to share a song. I heard this song from TTC Chapel yesterday. This song really minister to me as part of my life is somehow out of control right now. I'm having problems with my plan for internship this May-June. I'm stuck in between three parties. Things get complicated and I'm so afraid that I will disappoint people. When I heard this song, I was comforted. I'm reminded by the truth: God is in control.

After chapel we also had our class group. We were divided into pairs and we prayed for each other. I paired with one of my best friend. I told her everything. When she prayed for me, I was also strengthened. 

I'm grateful to God, I thank God for my senior who preached and introduced me to this song, and for my best friend who prayed for me. 

This internship issue is not settled yet, but I am relieved and surrender everything to Him. Whatever decision made for me, I will accept. I might not understand now, but I believe someday I will... because God is in control... of me... of my life.

Anyway... what I'm going through now is nothing compared to the story behind this song. My senior who preached yesterday shared the story. You are, of course, welcomed to donate through the organization. Be blessed and be a blessing!

Songs in This Holy Week

Were You There?


No Greater Love

Teens Ministry IEC Singapore (Feb '12)

I've always talked about our teen ministry but never showed pictures. We took a group photo last month but I just got it today. Super excited! :)
HERE WE ARE!!! It's me with some of the youths who are serving altogether with me, and the teens themselves.

"...Jesus said to Simon Peter,“Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” 
He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” 
He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” 
He said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” 
He said to him, “Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.” 
He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” 
He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” 
Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, “Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” 
Jesus said to him, “Feed my sheep.Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.” (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.) 
And after saying this he said to him, “Follow me.”
-John 21:15-19 (ESV)-


Later Peter wrote...
"So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory."
-1 Peter 5:1-4 (ESV)-


Lastly, Ita, remember that Peter died as a martyr... 


To pastor is to follow Jesus... to suffer... and be rewarded with glory...


I tremble...

The Blessings of Teen Ministry (part 2)

The church's teen ministry is growing in numbers. We started with 11 people on April last year and starting this February the average weekly attendance is 35 people. We realized that as the number grows we have to change the system. And we did. It was smooth and manageable, but it doesn’t come easily, at least for me. 

Since there are more people, there are more responsibilities and demands, and it started to take lots of my time and energy. I realized that I need to start delegating some major responsibilities to others. For me, it is not easy. There were many times I was hit by doubt. I was thinking, “Should I let them do this? Will they be able to do it? Can I trust them?” I was struggling. It is not just a matter of changing a system, but it is about trust. I was struggling to trust others. I’m afraid something will go wrong and I will be held responsible for what others do. 

In times like this, God really taught me to trust and to let go. I started to change the system, which means giving greater responsibilities to the teens. I realized that trusting others can also means trusting that God will work through them, that He will enable them. Change can be worrisome, but I learn to let go and to accept responsibilities should things go wrong. 

While I learn to trust others, I also learn that trusting others also comes with wisdom. I am grateful for the past 10 months that the church gave me to be with the teens. They released me from other responsibilities that would clash with teen ministry. I got to spend a lot of time with the teens and it enabled me to know them personally. Knowing them well helps me in making decisions about who to trust and when to start letting them take the responsibility. I really believe that God is with me throughout the whole process. 

There are times when some of them did not take it well, but God has assured me to be patient and be with them in times of failure until one day they are fit for the responsibilities. But most of the times I was actually at peace, knowing that most of them are taking the responsibilities very well, even beyond my expectation. Some of them take initiatives to provide feedback, ask for counsel, and even do an extra mile. I thank God that He gave me the courage to trust them. 

When I see some of them taking the major responsibilities very well, I sometimes wonder, “Maybe I should let them take the responsibilities much earlier!” I think I need to be more courageous in letting go and trusting others :)

Inspiring Movies: "The Help" and "The Lady"

Left: real poster, Right: movie poster

One word for both: COURAGE. They are courageous women who are willing to step out and do something to make a change in their country.

Next on my list: The Iron Lady :)

The First Imposition of Ashes I Had in My Life

This semester I took one core module titled "Worship and Liturgy". So far I enjoy the lesson because it helps me to understand the reason or the purpose of many things we do in worship. It helps me to appreciate worship service more.

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and we had the ritual of imposition of ashes. It is the first time in my life. In the previous week the lecturer taught us about "Worship and Rituals" and he specifically explained to us the meaning of imposition of ashes. 

I will share with you first the meaning of ritual. According to my lecturer, Rev. Dr. Truscott, ritual is "a prescribed, customary set of words and actions meant to convey religious or cultural meaning." 

Regarding imposition of ashes, he mentioned that it signifies mourning and repentance. Here are some biblical basis that he quoted:

"When Mordecai learned all that had been done, Mordecai tore his clothes and put on sackcloth and ashes, and went out into the midst of the city, and he cried out with a loud and bitter cry." (Esther 4:1)

"Then I turned my face to the Lord God, seeking him by prayer and pleas for mercy with fasting and sackcloth and ashes." (Daniel 9:3)

He further mentioned that this ritual is often considered outdated from the modern perspective and that some consider it strange that we ritualize "repentance". But he argued that the strangeness is precisely what makes it a powerful symbol for Christians. He further argued that it is true that we should not revive old rituals for their own sake but neither should we dismiss a ritual because it seems old-fashioned. He told us to consider: we read sacred texts from times and place we do not understand and whose language and thought patterns are alien to us yet we believe God speak to us in the ancient texts!

He also explained that this ritual reminds us that we are strangers and pilgrims on earth (liminality) and that we are seeking the kingdom.

Okay... enough lecture! If you want to know more about it you can just google it :p

So... yesterday I take part in this ritual. I found it meaningful that I want to share it here.

While placing the ashes on my forehead, the minister (which is also my family group mentor) said, 

"Ita, remember that you are dust, and to dust you shall return". 

I don't know why, but I was surprised. I knew that the minister would say THAT sentence, but when he really said it, I was quite taken aback. I tried to calm myself and went back to my seat. That one sentence kept resonating in my head. I realised that God was speaking to me personally through what the minister told me and through the ritual. 

He reminds me of His amazing grace and depth of mercy. Come on! Get real! Who am I? I was nothing! Dust! Rebel! Yet God sent his Son to die for me! 

He reminds me that I am mortal, that my time on earth will come to an end, that my life is full of limitation, yet He called me to do His work. What can be better than that to spend my remaining years on earth!

Honestly, I tried hard to fight back tears. I don't deserve it, God. It's all You.

"Rituals express divine truth"

 -Rev. Dr. Truscott-

"Amen".

Education Report: 3rd Semester

Now I'm in my 4th semester. This is the result of my 3rd semester:

Introduction to Biblical Interpretation   A  

Old Testament Hebrew I                     A

New Testament Greek I                      A-

Pastoral Care                                      B    

(I think I made a right choice by taking theological track instead of pastoral track. Haha..)

The Book of Job                                 B   

(Fuih... high standard! Dreaming to be like Prof. Seow: teaching class with only Hebrew Bible in hand!)

In the previous semesters I always thank God for good results because it means that I can continue my scholarship. I'm supposed to be reviewed annually, but last semester my church sent a letter to the Principal saying that they will support me throughout my studying in TTC for 3 years. They ask the Principal to "make sure that I will go back to my church to serve" :) I found it amusing. I don't think the Principal will bother. He is too busy with school matters. Haha.. Well, I'm not sure whether this assurance will bring me any good. So far, the only motivation for me to get good grades is my scholarship. If they confirm they will support me until I finish my study, I think I will just enjoy my learning without being mindful on my grades. Honestly, recently I felt more relax. I enjoy reading anything else except what is required by the lecturer :p I even played badminton twice a week and really enjoying a healthier lifestyle I had in this semester! 

Is is complacency? Hmm.. let's see! :)

My Dynamic Autobiography

I'm currenty applying to a program titled Clinical Pastoral Education. As part of the application I am required to submit a dynamic autobiography. The instruction goes like this: A brief account of your life including family, Christian faith and career, the important events and relationship with persons who have been significant to you. Relate how these events and relationships have shaped and impacted your development and growth.


And... I decided to post it here. I still need to go for interview to be able to enter the program. I might fail... but at least I posted something on my blog :p


So... here is a brief account of my life before I entered TTC...

I was born in Bandung, Indonesia, in 1984. I have one elder brother and two younger brothers. Being a third generation Christian, I have always been encouraged by my parents to attend Sunday school. I enjoyed Sunday school because I got to sing songs and listened to the Bible stories. What was taught in Sunday school was significance in laying foundation and shaping of my spiritual life.

I accepted Christ as my Saviour when I was 16 while attending cathecism class. At that time the teacher handed over a piece of paper to each student. He told us that he would ask a question and all of us have to think about the answer and write it down on the paper. The question was: "If at this very moment you die, are you sure that you will be in heaven?"

I am struck by the question. At that time I felt that I was still young, I did not need to think about death. But on the other side, it is a fact that people can die at any moment, even babies. I was thinking very seriously. My heart beat very fast. On one hand, I feel that I am a good person. I was obedient to my parents, got good grades at school, went to church, and did good things to others. But somehow I could not write "Yes." Finally, I wrote "No". I really was not sure if I would go to heaven.

All the paper was collected and the teacher started to give an explanation regarding salvation (eternal life). Basically, the teacher explained it with Evangelism Explosion’s method. That moment I realized that I was a sinful man, because sin doesn’t include only any wrongdoings that I do. Sin also includes my unholy thoughts and the good deeds that I could actually do but I didn’t. I was aware that I couldn’t save myself by doing good deeds. I was also aware that I had been relying on Jesus only for the temporal things (asking for good grades, asking Jesus to provide my necessities, asking Him to lead and guide me in ministry). But I have never depended on Jesus to save me, to grant me eternal life.

When I got home, I went into my room, locked the door and began to pray. In the presence of God I confess that I am a sinner and I profess Jesus as my Savior who died on the cross to redeem me. I asked Jesus to come into my heart and reign in my life so that I would not sin anymore and that I may live in accordance with God’s will in my life. Since then I have peace in my life, knowing that I will be with the Father in heaven. I was also becoming more interested in spiritual thing, thing that is eternal. I also have deeper longing of serving the LORD.

At that time I was a very shy and introvert person. I had a very low self-image because people were always making fun of me being obese. My youth pastor, Ps. Hendrikus helped me to overcome it. He always reminds me that I am wonderfully made and the value of my life is not decided by what people think of me, or even what I think of me, but on how I live my life, whether it is according to God’s purpose or not. I grew up to be a leader in teen and youth ministry.

I sensed the call to be a full-time minister was when I was 18 years old. At that time I was about to graduate from high school and started to think about which college I should apply to. Bible School was one of the alternatives, but when I consulted with my parents, they went against the idea. I was then decided to study International Relations. After graduating with a Bachelor degree, in December 2006 I came to Singapore to work.

I began my first job as Conference Producer with high expectation to be financially independent. Receiving my own salary means I can buy whatever I want. I was able to buy my favourite branded products. I would treat people at Japanese restaurants and follow my colleagues to go for buffet in prominent hotels. But after one-and-a-half years, I began to feel emptiness in my heart. I couldn’t find long-lasting satisfaction. “Is this what my life supposed to be?” I thought.  I can’t stand the feeling, so I resigned. I felt the need to pause and think deeply about what I am supposed to do in life. There are several alternatives considered: to take Master Degree, start a business, or work while taking part-time Bible School.

Being unemployed, I had a lot of time to consult with Ps. Isabel Tong, my church pastor. I asked her about how to know God’s specific calling for me and what God wanted me to do in my future. She really guided me to improve and develop my spiritual life, especially my personal relationship with God through spiritual disciplines (Bible reading, prayer, quiet times, journaling, etc.)

Since then I started to see more clearly what God wants me to do in my life, God was calling me to serve him full-time. I explained my parents about this calling. My dad allowed me, but my mom was still against it. She only allowed me to take evening Bible Class. Since January 2009 I started taking evening Bible class at the Singapore Bible College.

At that time I still had doubts about my calling. I was worried that the strong calling came to me just because I was unemployed. I thought it is possible that the calling would cease when I started working again. In February 2009 I got a new job as a Safety Trainer for the Indonesian domestic helpers who just arrived in Singapore. It turned out to be a very meaningful phase in my life. I was given a chance to get in touch with a lot of people and to share the Gospel to some of them. I enjoyed my job. However, the call to go full time grew increasingly stronger in my heart. I am more convinced that I was ready to quit my job and fulfill God's call as a full-timer.

Since April 2009, I started calling my mother again for her approval to be a full-timer. I kept praying to God that He would change my mother’s heart. I let the Lord know that I could not be one hundred percent sure to apply to Bible School if my mother did not approve. I kept calling my mother to explain about God’s calling in my life and I kept praying to God. God showed His grace and answered my prayer. After a couple of months, my mother’s heart was changed and she finally gave her full support for me to be a full timer. The Lord has opened a way. The church also decided to provide scholarship for my study at Trinity Theological College. Praised the LORD :)

I'm Tweeting

Yup, I officially revived my Twitter account. You may check it on the right side of my blog. Feel free to follow!
I will mostly put direct quotations and reflections on the things I hear, read, experience, or I will put updates on interesting things that happen to and around me.
On why I decided to do it: I think it is first because with Twitter I can share more things on-the-spot. I actually have so many things to share, but blogging can absorb so much time as I need to sit down and type, while with Twitter I can tweet everywhere with ease. Secondly, it helps me to develop the skill of articulating messages. Tweeting, I hope, will help me to convey message in a more concise way while still attain the essence.

Hi-Ne-Ni 我在這裡 Here I Am

Another beautiful song presented in today's chapel by some students from Chinese department. 
Don't get me wrong. I can't really understand Chinese. However, the chapels in TTC are conducted bilingually, so they showed both Chinese and English lyrics. That's why I can appreciate this song more...





Hi-Ne-Ni（我在这里)


耶和华我的主啊 !
求你使我放下心中 心中所爱
耶和华我的主啊 !
求你使我打碎心中 心中偶像
直到我在敬拜中献上自己为祭
无怨 无悔 永不回头 永不回头
直到我在祭坛那里得着命定
无怨 , 无悔 我在这里 我在这里
Hi-Ne-Ni Hi-Ne-Ni
烧我 , 差我 , 我在这里
Hi-Ne-Ni Hi-Ne-Ni
烧我 , 差我 Hi-Ne-Ni
为这世界黑暗的角落
为那不曾被安慰的灵魂
我在这里 Hi-Ne-Ni
我在这里 Hi-Ne-Ni


English translation:


Hi-Ne-Ni
* Hi-Ne-Ni” is Hebrew for “Behold! Here I am”
Lyrics: Lily Liu Music: Francy Shao


Yahweh! O my LORD my God
Come and help me forsake my love
Forsake my love, my all


Yahweh! O my LORD my God
Help me break down all my idols
Idols in my heart
Till I give myself in worship as a sacrifice
With no regrets, No turning back
Till I at the altar hear the calling for my life
With no regrets, Here I am


Hi-Ne-Ni , Hi-Ne-Ni
Purge me, Send me Yes! Here I am
Hi-Ne-Ni , Hi-Ne-Ni
Purge me, Send me, Hi-Ne-Ni


For the darkest corners of the world
O LORD! Send me!
For the souls hopeless in despair, Here I am!
Yes! Here I am, Hi-Ne-Ni
Yes! Here I am, Hi-Ne-Ni


Lyrics and translation are taken from: http://myblog.edzx.com/?40474/viewspace-22182

They showed below video in today's chapel.

Lyrics copied below. The sentences in red are those who spoke to me at this particular time.


My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done. 
And now You gently break me, 
then lovingly You take me 
and hold me as my father and mold me as my maker.
Chorus:
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."

At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged, 
knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job.
For who am I to serve You?I know I don't deserve You. 
And that's the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on. 

Chorus*
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."
You are so patient with me, Lord.

As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means. 
The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary. 
So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You
by giving up my life to you For all that You've given to me.

Chorus: 
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."